Didn't Suceed

 It turns out that I could not handle 6 classes, a job, and a school club that occupies the whole weekend. What is interesting is that it took me 6 weeks to realize this. There are many things that made it hard for me to accept surrender:

  1. When I'm falling behind, I would just think I am not trying hard enough and should just try harder.
  2. For certain things/subjects, it is very easy to catch up, but I don't know which these subjects are and would assess it wrong
  3. It is very easy for me to seek inefficiencies I perform throughout the day -> there's definitely room to improve
  4. I am stubborn, and I do not want to choose quitting as an option
Although I am now admitting that it was too much for me to handle, I still firmly believe that if I had better time management and focus, this workload is at least sustainable for a quarter. Tricks for efficient work that I have picked up during this time includes sleep when can't focus, don't eat carbs/be full during the day, value the first half of the day, and working from home is more efficient when discounting stupid distractions. Looking back at how I did in these 6 weeks, I think the biggest time sink is that I waste one weekday everyweek. Analyzing on the surface, it indicates that weekends exist for a reason, and I am bound to waste a day a week, but I have a hard time accepting that narrative, sleep alone should be enough for recovery.
    In order for me to not assign myself too much work again in the future, I seek to define my current limit in this paragraph. This quarter my limit was 2 easy courses, 1 pass-no-pass, and one hard class. And if I hadn't fall behind on one more easy course, I could have fit it in. Coming back to this paragrap
    Trying to look at what went wrong this quarter makes me frustrated. I don't see why I accepted defeat. I intuitively feel that it is my execution that made me fail at the workload, and it is not that the workload was simply too much. But at the same time, my execution was that each tasks was followed by other tasks in my daily routine, and the improvement angle is to purely do things faster, and I would achieve that by having better focus and being more critical in my thinking. 
    Anothing thing from these 6 weeks is that the "battery" for my mind was like it is acting on fast charging all the time, and I would unplug it whenever it gets to 75% (as the last couple percent takes longer time per percent to charge). I think I brought this up because I want to see if "fast charging to 75%" is a good thing. Pro: very efficient with time. Con: mentally draining in the long term. Listing it out, I think "fast changing" is just another decision and tool to be used, and I can use it when I want.
    I think I need semi-solid internal deadlines that is consistently reasonable.

    Have two sets of deadlines and follow it. This allows to flexibility to mistakes in time management.  


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